What should I do if I suspect my teenager has an eating disorder?

Eating disorders are proliferating in the United States, affecting younger children, older women and more men than ever before. There are several signs to watch for if you suspect that your son or daughter is anorexic or bulimic.

The signs of anorexia include weight loss that does not stop, ritualized eating, excessive exercising, excuses for not eating (such as being too tired or too nauseous), withdrawal from normal activities or sudden decision to become vegetarian or vegan.

The signs of bulimia include sneaking food, eating at night after everyone has gone to bed, inhaling food, sudden disappearance after a meal, abuse of laxatives and signs of vomit in the toilet

Anorexia and bulimia can be a very serious condition. How can parents help their child if they suspect an eating disorder?


Do

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  • get help from someone with a lot of experience
  • consider removing as many processed foods as possible from the house
  • model good eating behaviors and healthy body image
  • create an environment that is safe for your child to express fears
  • get help for managing your fears/anger and ensure all siblings get help
Don't

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  • be the food police
  • show anger towards your child
  • make threats
  • blame yourself
  • automatically ship your child off to residential treatment

[publishpress_authors_data]'s recommendation to ExpertBeacon readers: Do

Do get help from someone with a lot of experience

This is one of the most difficult populations to treat. You do not want a novice. A family therapist is best if possible, as this is a family disorder. That does not mean the family causes the disorder, but families are never neutral. They are either helping or hurting. The best families may even do the most damage because they try so hard. A family therapist can really help you channel all of that energy into positive action.

Do consider removing as many processed foods as possible from the house

Processed foods have ingredients that damage the systems that regulate healthy eating and can make symptoms worse. Many anorexic and bulimic patients have had bad experiences with foods that contained unhealthy ingredients because they were more sensitive to them. They must learn to trust food. And the cleaner it is, the easier it is for them to regain their trust.

Do model good eating behaviors and healthy body image

f you have issues, make sure you get help with them and that you are not making comments, such as “I look fat” or “I wish I hadn’t eaten all of that.”

Do create an environment that is safe for your child to express fears

As hard as it is to listen to the logic your child will put forth about why she/he cannot eat something or attend an event where eating is taking place, focus upon the fear driving the logic. Display empathy, such as “That sounds very scary.” You are not giving her/him permission to restrict, you are saying you understand and care.

Do get help for managing your fears/anger and ensure all siblings get help

Complain bitterly to the therapist. Discuss your feelings of guilt, anger, helplessness and fear. These are all normal responses to watching your child starve. But be sure to resist the temptation to vent or complain in front of your child.


[publishpress_authors_data]'s professional advice to ExpertBeacon readers: Don't

Do not be the food police

Put out good food that you and the therapist discuss as a part of a meal plan. If your child eats the food, awesome. But it is counterproductive to try and force the issue.

Do not show anger towards your child

When you do get angry at your child, it is usually driven by fear. Try and connect with the fear. You can even express the fear to your child (without the intent of making her/him feel guilty). But do not act out your anger.

Do not make threats

You probably can’t execute them anyway and this is definitely not the message that you want to send, that you will cave under pressure. You can create incentives, such as “Whether or not you (play Xbox, use the computer, iPad or watch TV) will depend upon whether or not you are at a safe weight.” But this requires a discussion with the therapist to make sure that it does not backfire.

Do not blame yourself

You are not to blame. Even if you somehow played a role, you did not create an eating disorder in another person. There are many variables that often come together at the same time to result in a specific eating disorder, and as often as not, the family plays a small role. Even when the family dynamics play a significant role, it was not intentional.

Do not automatically ship your child off to residential treatment

Even if your pediatrician is pushing hard for residential treatment, consider Intensive Outpatient Treatment (IOP) as it has better outcomes.

Residential treatment has very poor outcomes for many reasons–not the least of which is that the child is not living her life. Some children like being away from home and the pressures of their life so much that they “develop” symptoms, so that they can go back. While others are so traumatized by the experience that it takes them years to recover.

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