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Do you tell your fiancee that you don't love the engagement ring?

You love the person. You dislike the ring. Rings are a very personal choice—a very personal choice that someone else may have made for you and yet you have to wear it for the rest of your life. So what do you do? Here is some expert advice that will help you down the road, to the aisle of matrimony.


Do live with the ring for a few days

Wear the ring for a few days. It’s possible that you may actually end up loving the way the ring looks on your hand. Be sure you absolutely can't live with it before going about telling your fiance.

Do assess what you like about the ring

Look at the ring as a whole. What do you like and dislike about it? Do you like the shape of the center stone? Do you like the look of the setting? Note, that a simple change in the setting of your diamond could make a world of a difference. And the best part is, this is a quick and easy fix.

Do consider how it will look with your wedding band

It may be that this ring will look stunning when your wedding band is aside it. They could compliment each other perfectly.

Do know your opinion matters

This ring is something you will be wearing for the rest of your life. If you really dislike the ring, you are not doing anyone any favors by keeping it or holding in your feelings. Most likely, your fiance is going to appreciate your honesty. He wouldn’t want you to be unhappy with the ring.

Do be honest and let your fiancé know how you feel

Honesty is always the best policy. And, if this is the person you are going to marry, you should feel comfortable enough to tell them anything.

Do be sensitive to your partner's feelings

Just like you, your partner has feelings too. Most likely, your fiance spent a lot of time, money and energy into purchasing this ring. Take that into consideration. Also, you know your fiance best, which means you know the best way to approach telling him/her without hurting them completely.

Approach the situation thoughtfully and tactfully. You don’t want to hurt your fiance’s feelings, so make sure you let them know that you love them and are excited to spend the rest of your life with them. However, the ring may not be your style. Suggest you want to alter the design of the ring, rather than return the ring altogether.

Do understand how it will affect your partner

Realize that telling your partner may temporarily bruise their feelings. But, the good news is, it won’t scar them for life. Remember these words, short term pain, long term gain.

Do check to see the retail store or seller's return policy

It may be possible that you still have time to return the engagement ring at full price if there is no alternative to redesigning the ring. Most likely though, retail stores only have a 30 day return policy, if that.

Do offer to go with them to the jewelry store

Think of this as killing two birds with one stone. When going to the jewelry store with your fiance, you may be able to return the ring you don’t like and you can now show what rings and styles you love.


Do not tell him you hate the ring while he is proposing

You don’t want to ruin this special moment. This is a moment you will most likely be repeating to all your friends and family when asked, “How did your fiance propose” It’s such a special moment in your lives that should be cherished. My advice, Wait at least a few days to break the news.

Do not feel guilty for letting your fiancé know how you feel

Just because you don’t love the ring, doesn’t mean your fiance any less or that you are a bad person. It does not mean you are shallow and materialistic. It simply means, the ring wasn’t your style.

Do not doubt your relationship

Just because they didn’t get your jewelry style right is not an indicator that your partner doesn’t pay attention to your likes/dislikes. When it comes to jewelry, especially engagement rings, it’s a very personal preference.

Do not change the ring due to budget

If the reason you dislike the ring is because you wanted something outside of his budget, you probably shouldn’t tell your fiance. This is not a valid reason for returning the ring. This could be looked at as insensitive.

Do not get stuck with an engagement ring you hate

An engagement ring is something you want to be proud to wear, look at your hand and admire. You should love it and love everything it stands for.

Jumping cartoon

The Maybe Factor: If it’s a family heirloom, all bets are off and a whole new set of rules apply.

Prevention is always best. If you slip your partner hints from the beginning, most of this could have been avoided. No matter what you end up doing, always keep in mind that the ring is just an object, a symbol of your love and commitment to each other which is most important.

More expert advice about Marriage and Couples

Photo Credits: Engagement ring by Flickr: Miia Ranta; Check Man, Cross Man and Jump Man © ioannis kounadeas -

Mara OppermanCo-Founder

Mara Opperman is a relationship etiquette expert, consulting both engaged and married couples, counseling with breakups and advising men on how to propose -- from purchasing the ring, to popping the question and what to do if she says “no.” To d...

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