Don’t talk yourself into sadness and depression during the holidays

Do know your triggers

For negative self-talk to start, we are triggered somehow. It could be holiday music, something someone says, a picture we see, etc. We recognize something and react to it. A first step is in knowing your triggers — what sets off the negative self-talk that leads to the blues for you? When you notice yourself getting triggered, write it down on a piece of paper or journal.

Do practice and practice some more

Negative self-talk is a habit you’ve acquired just like any other habit. It’s taken you years to perfect it, and it will take you lots of practice to acquire a new positive self-talk habit. Keep at it. The more you practice a positive approach, the more natural it will become.

Do have your own words and sayings

Be ready. Prepare your positive self-talk in advance. If you know you are triggered in the mall listening to holiday music, before you enter the mall, have a mantra you will say, like “Music is just music. I don’t have to make anything out of it. I can focus on something else.” Whatever your mantra is to help you overcome the negative self-talk, practice saying it over and over so that it stays fresh in your mind.

Do remember that you can control it

It’s important to recognize that you can change your self-talk. Sometimes it becomes so familiar you might think it is just the way that it is. You are in control of the talking you do inside your head — it might not feel like it all of the time, so start to recognize and believe this as true.

Do un-invite the negative voices

When you notice they are there, just say “bye-bye.” You don’t need negative visitors telling you a story about how awful things are right now — or are going to be. See the negative messages as unwanted visitors that you un-invite whenever they come to visit.

Do not beat up on yourself

Recognizing you talk to yourself negatively does not give you license to punish yourself for doing it. It’s just another form of negativity to tell yourself how terrible it is that you do this. Don’t give in to it.

Do not be unprepared

Taking the time to write out positive statements and having a plan for where and how you will use them is critical. You probably know what part of the holidays is most difficult for you, so have a plan — don’t go into them unprepared this year.

Do not think those negative voices are all you have

The stories we tell ourselves and the way we talk to ourselves is often so much more negative than anything we’d ever say to anyone else! The negativity that brings us down seems like it’s part of us. But it’s not all you have — there is a positive voice waiting to come through, too.

Do not let your stories predict your future

The negative self-talk often tells us what’s coming next – and it’s never very good for us. Do your best to come back to the present moment and just focus on your positive messages in the now.

Do not give up

Learning any new skill takes practice and commitment. We’d all like things to come more easily — especially when it’s something we desire. Keep at this. The more you recognize the negative and turn it to positive, the more natural the latter will be!