In all relationships there exists two personality types based on the Taoist philosophy of the Yin-Yang. The types are based on one person being the initiator for the relationship and the other supporting that. Great relationships flow with each partner moving in and out of each type naturally. Which type you are is determined by where you spend the majority of your time in the relationship.
The importance of knowing your type and the characteristics lies in understanding what you offer to a relationship as well as what you should look for from others. This allows partners in a relationship to complement one another, rather than compete. Knowing your type will also show you why you become anxious, and when you are not acting within your nature and why.
Typically, the initiator of the relationship offers follow through, care or protection, and responsibility, while the Supporter offers creativity and support to the relationship. As mentioned before, we all offer both, but just like being right or left handed we favor one.
Any therapist will tell you the fastest way to improve your relationship is by improving yourself. Knowing your type and the characteristics of each will show you where to make changes and how to find contentment based on what is missing in your life or relationship.
Knowing your type will show you your nature versus your neurosis and the difference between them. When you are in your neurosis, often it is because you are spending time outside of your natural type based on fear, self-protection, insecurity, or ego. So if you are supporting when you would prefer to initiate, you will be unsatisfied and vise-versa. This is a cause for resentment or anxiety in any relationship.
Once you know your type, you want to surround yourself with people that allow you to be yourself and also inspire it. Dismantle your fears and insecurities and allow yourself the confidence to express who you are naturally. If you prefer to create and support others following through on your ideas, then do this. If you prefer to lead and initiate, you should be expressed in these areas.
Be mindful to look for a person who naturally receives what is natural for you to provide and vice versa. Initiators can learn from other initiators, but spending too much time with them will make them competitive. Same with supporters.
It takes a certain confidence and trust to allow others to support or take care of you.
Knowing the characteristics of your personality type will allow you to identify what’s missing that can cause a lack of fulfillment in your life.
Once knowing your type you can identify if you are acting as if you are different than your nature. This is caused by fears or insecurity and leads to serious dissatisfaction. So if you would prefer to lead but you are always supporting, this is caused by fears or insecurities. With those initiating who would prefer to support, this is caused by a need for self-protection and lack of trust.
There are techniques for dealing with the same type, but respecting them and appreciating them for areas where they are more experienced than you, and addressing them where they are not, is recommended.
This is a place that people go when they feel they are not getting what they want. Knowing your type will allow you to know what you require from your partner so that you can specifically ask for it.
Knowing this model will show you how different personality types help one another to grow. Conflict is not a problem, unresolved conflict is a problem. Differences allow people to grow as individuals and the relationship as a whole. Initiators and supporters are very different but match very well together.
Asking for what you want will prevent resentment to grow in the relationship.
If a relationship lacks substance it is often because the partners are not connecting on a level of complementing nature or personality types. Knowing and understanding these types will allow you to do what is required to find harmony even between competing types. To find out which personality type you are, click here for a personality test.
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