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Learn to accept and embrace the death of a loved one

Mark Pitstick, MA, DC Author, speaker, frequent radio/TV guest, and holistic chiropractic physician Radiant Wellness Center LLC

Death is part of life . . . not the most fun part, but an integral part. With the information in this article, you can learn how to optimally grieve and even celebrate the passing of a loved one.

In western cultures, religions generally have not done a good job of preparing people for death. God is often depicted as a giant dictator who decides whom dies when and how. That creates a quagmire of unanswerable questions such as, “Why did God take my loved one?” or “Why did God let my husband suffer so much before he died?” Fortunately, God is not a big guy in the sky.

Another major problem stems from traditional religious teachings about the afterlife. In the most predominate western model, the afterlife possibilities are simple: a wonderful heaven or a torturous hell forever. That archaic and erroneous model haunts people when a loved one dies. They can never be sure if their departed loved one is playing golden harps or frying throughout eternity.

More and more people are opening to a new view of death and afterlife, a more sensible and evidence-based description of reality. They value a synthesis of past and more contemporary understandings that greatly decreases and shortens their grieving. Here are some dos and don’ts to enlighten your approach to life, whether here or in the hereafter.


Do

Do realize that no one really dies

Scientists have proven that the five human senses detect much less than one percent of reality. When your body dies, only a tiny fraction of who and what you really are changes. The other 99.999% is energy, consciousness, spirit, light, intelligence and love. And all that continues on beyond physical death. The book Soul Proof provides nine categories of evidence—clinical, scientific, religious/spiritual, and empirical in nature—that this is so. This research indicates that we each are integral parts of God/Universe/Source Energy—the sum total of all energy, light, information, love, and wisdom.

Do remember that physical death is an important part of life

Childhood, adolescence and other life stages impart unique lessons and so does the phase we call death. Death is a totally safe and important phase that everyone goes through. Although some people yearn for a life without change, that would get very boring very quickly. At age 80, my mother was wishing she could have stayed 35 years old forever. “Don’t say that, mom!” I replied, “I would have been in puberty for eternity.” Death is like a reset button that allows your inner self to try on different roles in the never-ending saga of life.

Do use centering practices to know that everyone is a forever being

To deeply know that you and everyone else is a forever being, regularly use meditation, prayer, time in nature, the arts, and serving others. Likewise, you can best remember who you are and why you’re here when you practice yoga, tai chi, qi gong, dance, or other body-mind vitalizing techniques. These proven methods strengthen your body, quiet your mind, nourish your soul, and get you through all of life’s tough times in style.

Do celebrate and mourn the passing of your loved one

In many cultures around the world, death is mourned and celebrated since they know—without a doubt—that their loved one has merely changed worlds. Healthy grievers recognize that death is not a “good-bye” but, rather, just a “see you later.” They understand the broad spectrum of emotions—shock, anger, sadness, fear, joy, relief, etc.—that accompany the death of a loved one and surf through it one day at a time. Enlightened humans know that the recently departed has graduated from this world’s classroom and no longer needs an “earth suit.”

Do be assured that you will see your departed loved ones again

Much contemporary proof shows that a blessed reunion with your dear ones occurs when you cross over. And, what’s more, you can continue a different but distinct relationship right now with your loved ones who have passed on. A full 66% of widows and widowers have experienced an after-death contact that assures them their loved one is alive, well, and very close. Ask others if they’ve had an ADC and be alert for your loved ones letting you know they are near. Over 75 millions Americans have had these experiences that prove death is an illusion, that the essence/energy of a person cannot be destroyed, but merely changes form.


Don't

Do not believe that you are a helpless victim of a cruel fate

Good evidence exists that you, as a soul, volunteered to experience this scenario, to be there for your loved one as he or she transitioned from this world. Think about it . . . of the seven billion or so people on this planet, what are the chances that you and your loved one ended up together by chance? God is not asleep at the wheel even though it may seem like it sometimes. You have everything you need to get through this tough time and demonstrate what enlightened grieving looks like.

Do not be haunted by events before your loved one crossed over

Many people regret what they did or didn’t say or do before their loved one died. “If only,” they say, “I could turn back the hands of time. If only I had known how close to death she was, I would have said or done more.” In the immortal words of Tony Soprano, “Forgetaboutit!” Your loved one understands all this so let it be. Don’t torture yourself for one more second about what you coulda/shoulda/woulda done. If you could hear your departed loved one speaking right now, the message would be something like, “I love you. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Keep living and enjoying life. We will see each other soon.”

Do not let fear-driven teachings scare or brainwash you

Let’s face it, fear is the most powerful emotion and motivator. People will spend large sums of money to and support a group that qualms their fears. Power-mongers know this and take full advantage of it. So run—don’t walk—from any club, church or person that tries to use fear or guilt to perform a wallectomy on you. Instead, attend services and be with others that focus on love, not fear. Most of all, trust your inner wisdom and listen to that still small voice within that says you are one with the One and part of Source. That’s what many near-death experiencers have reported after being embraced by the Light.

Do not neglect your body as you grieve

Life is for living so take care of yourself even though you may not feel like it. When a close loved one dies, part of you feels like dying too. But, if you’re reading this, it’s not your time yet. You have important lessons to learn and gifts to share before you graduate. Take extra time for rest, healthy diet, moderate exercise and other self-care. If your grief seems excessive and prolonged, get a nutrition-based evaluation to ensure that your brain, adrenals and other vital organs have the necessary nutrients to recover. If possible, avoid resorting to prescription “happy pills” that keep you from grieving fully and processing all the emotions.

Do not be fooled by outward appearances that death is an end

Do you still wear the same coat that you did when you were four years old? Of course not . . . you outgrew it. Well, it’s the same thing with the physical body. It’s not the real person, it’s just the vehicle that got the soul from womb to tomb, then it’s not needed anymore. Remember to look at life through eyes unclouded with fear. Listen to your inner wisdom and realize that your five senses are poor estimations of what is real. Educate with the Soul Proof evidence and discuss these topics with family and friends.


Summary
Jumping cartoon

Can you recall all the love, intellect, caring, humor and other positive qualities of your departed loved one? All that continues on beyond bodily death! That’s the great news that will help you get through this and enable you to let your light shine even more brightly. Remember that this great news is based on a vast and varied amount of documented evidence. So, yes, grieve and feel the sadness, pain and other difficult emotions. But also celebrate the life and death of your loved one and remember the big picture. Be grateful for the precious time you had together and how that relationship improved who you are. Science and wisdom sources agree that life is a never-ending, but ever-changing dance of energy. It’s a great set up.

You deserve to feel happy and healthy—no matter what is going on around you—and the world needs your greatest gifts.


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Photo Credits: Laurel Hill Cemetary by Flickr: Rhys A.; Check Man, Cross Man and Jump Man © ioannis kounadeas - Fotolia.com

Mark Pitstick, MA, DCAuthor, speaker, frequent radio/TV guest, and holistic chiropractic physician

Mark Pitstick, B.S., M.A., D.C., has over forty years experience and training in hospitals, pastoral counseling settings, mental health centers, and holistic private practice. His training includes a premedical degree, graduate theology/pastoral...

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