Men: Know your triggers to help control your anger

No one can make you angry unless you let them. Unless you are a puppet or brain dead, you choose to be angry because that is what you choose to feel! Anger is a secondary emotion! Something must always come before the emotion of anger and that usually stress or frustration caused by a trigger. Do you know what your trigger is? Do you what type(s) of anger you possess? Once you know your triggers and type(s), then managing it because a whole lot easier!


Do

Do accept that anger is a normal emotion

Remember, anger is a good, healthy emotion when used properly as it has the ability to motivate people into action and change. If you are mad enough at being mad, then you are finally ready to change your thinking patterns regarding anger and use more effective management strategies.

Do keep your mind set and thoughts in the present

When discussing issues with people (conflict situations), always try to stay in the present. Rehashing old feelings and the past is only going to recreate bad feelings. You can’t change the past.

Do own your feelings

It’s always important and helpful to remember that no one owns you or controls how you feel. You give people permission to get in your head space when you let them.

Take ownership and stop giving credit to others.

Do try to take the other person's feelings into account

Put yourself in the other people’s shoes and empathize with them. Be a detective and try to understand their feelings. We all have bad days, so keep in mind that other people could be having one of those days as well. If you are focusing on the needs and feelings of others, you don’t have time to dwell on your anger or how you want to strike back.

Do let cooler heads prevail, namely your own

This is for the individual with a short trigger. Leave the situation! Walk away, take deep breaths, or count and don’t stop until you calm down. If you are away from the conflict or the antagonist, you don’t have anyone to fight with.


Don't

Do not look for arguments or always need to be right

People who behave this way need to feel superior. They tend to look for arguments Often times, they prepare and plan to disagree. They usually lack self-esteem. Sometimes you have to just accept the way things are in order to control your anger from getting out of hand. And never forget, it is OK to be wrong.

Do not dig up what happened in the past

This is called belt-lining or hitting below the belt. You pick something from someone's past to use against them in an argument or disagreement. You do this because you feel that you are losing an argument so you use something that will hurt the other person, but then regret saying it later. Hitting below the belt will only make things worse.

Do not ever argue when you are tired or not feeling well

When you are tired, run down, or frustrated, you are not thinking clearly and are less likely to "speak" with your critical sensors on. You might often speak out hurtful knee-jerk reactionary sayings only to later regret it. If you are not feeling well or tired and get involved in a confrontation of some sort, walk away until your reasoning comes back when you are well rested and feeling better.

Do not ever drive angry

Driving angry is called road rage. Not only is it dangerous to other drivers and pedestrians, it is also illegal and will get you charged as a criminal. You may be angry, but that doesn’t mean you want to hurt someone. If you need to get somewhere, take a walk or call a cab.

Do not ever use your anger to get even

This is called passive-aggression and no one ever wins in these types of situations. Anger used to hurt or take advantage of others usually backfires on the "angry" one and it leads to many regrets.


Summary
Jumping cartoon

Can anger be addictive? After working with individuals one on one in counseling and in groups, I would definitely have to say yes!

There are so many different types of anger and many, many reasons why people develop them. There are also many different types of addictions and many, many reasons why people become addicted to substances. There is however an underlying basic root or component which manifests something as addictive and why the addiction is maintained. That root is low self-esteem. To some degree, we all go through bouts of doubt in ourselves and low self-esteem.

The two most important attributes of anger to keep in mind are; (1) Everyone gets angry as it is a normal and healthy emotion, and (2) You are not nuts or insane when you get angry.

It is how you deal with your anger which is the most important factor.


More expert advice about Men's Health

Photo Credits: dolgachov/bigstock.com; Check Man, Cross Man and Jump Man © ioannis kounadeas - Fotolia.com

Peter Andrew Sacco Ph.D.International Self-Help Author/Psychotherapist

Peter Sacco is also the acclaimed author of What's Your Anger Type?, a self-help guide for overcoming anger management problems. And in Why Keeping Resolutions Are So Ridiculously Difficult! The Handbook To Understanding And Overcoming Procrasti...

View Full ProfileRecent Articles