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What to do if your fiance says no when you propose

What to do if your fiance says no when you propose

You’ve waited all your life for this moment. Spent months planning the proposal, spent your life savings on the ring, and it all comes down to this one question, “Will you marry me?” A question you probably only want to ask once in your lifetime.

So what happens if the answer is “No.”? Did you prepare for this rejection?

Here’s a list of dos and don’ts to help you if your fiance ends up saying no when you propose.


Do

Do remain calm

Try not to get over-emotional as this will not change your partner’s answer. In fact, it will only make it worse. You don’t necessarily know why she is turning down the proposal either. She may have reasons that isn’t about you. It is best to remain calm.

Do find out the reasons why your proposal was rejected

Was the answer a “not now”, “not to you”, or a “never”? These answers all have very different meanings. It is important that you speak with your significant other to find out why she is saying no.

Do be understanding

Sometimes it’s all about timing. If the answer was “not now”, it could mean they want to get married, but not at this moment in time. Marriage is something two people have to want at the same time. Oftentimes, someone is not ready for marriage due to their age or the desire to finish other goals in life or to gain more stability in their career. Now the decision is in your hands. Do you want to wait until your partner is ready?

Do find out your partner’s long-term intentions

If the response was they never want to get married, you have to figure out if marriage is important to you. Do you feel that a relationship is a waste of time if it doesn’t lead to marriage? Or, maybe you feel like marriage isn’t that important to you after your loved one said no. It is important to weigh out the good and bad reasons for staying together or breaking up.

Do reevaluate your relationship

If their answer was “not to you.” Unfortunately, the truth is, your partner does not see a future for the two of you. If this is case, it might be best to walk away from the relationship so that you can find someone who does find a future with you.

Do give your partner space

Sometimes your partner may need time to figure things out. During that time, your partner may even find they want to say “yes” to your proposal. It is important that you give your partner the space they need to think about this very important decision in their life.

Do turn to friends or loved ones

It’s important to lean on your friends or loved ones during this time. They will be there to comfort you and offer advice that is worthwhile.


Don't

Do not panic

Accept that emotions are running high at the present moment. Give yourself the right to feel awkwardness and uncertainty. It is completely natural to feel uncertain about your relationship situation and where to go from here, but whatever you do, don’t panic. Life goes on and you can find love again.

Do not feel ashamed

It takes a lot of courage to ask for someone’s hand in marriage. Getting turned down is not a cause for embarrassment and you must not feel foolish for trying.

Do not get angry

Getting angry is not going to help the situation. Instead, respect your partner’s answer. Unfortunately, some people do not want things at the exact moment you think they should.

Do not be hard on yourself

You are not the first, nor will you be the last to be rejected. It happens to the best of us.

Do not forget to move on with your life

Learning how to move on with your life will be difficult and it won't be quick and easy, but it is for the best. Whatever it takes, learn how to move on with your life. It might even be good for you to talk to a therapist to help you understand and cope with the feelings that you are having.


Summary
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Dealing with rejection of any kind can be extremely difficult, especially the rejection of your partner’s hand in marriage. Although rejection is not a pleasant experience, learn from it, grow from the experience, and do not let it destroy you or define you. Plus, you never know, this rejection could be a blessing in disguise.


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Mara OppermanCo-Founder

Mara Opperman is a relationship etiquette expert, consulting both engaged and married couples, counseling with breakups and advising men on how to propose -- from purchasing the ring, to popping the question and what to do if she says “no.” To d...

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