Actions parents can take to stop cyberbullying

Do explain what cyberbullying is

It is surprising how many kids actually don’t know when harmless teasing crosses over to more serious cyberbullying. Unfortunately, once that line is crossed the bullying can be emotionally devastating to the victim. Talk frequently to your child about their online activities and discuss the intent of the content they are receiving from people they know and even don’t know personally.

Explain to a child that cyberbullying means using e-mail, instant messaging, social network sites, mobile phones and the Internet to:

• Sending and receiving mean, vulgar, or threatening messages or images
• Post sensitive, private information and/or lies about another person
• Pretending to be someone else in order to make that person look bad
• Intentionally excluding someone from an online group

Encourage your child to tell you if they are a victim of cyberbullying or if they are receiving or being exposed to inappropriate content about others. Be sure to tell the child that you will not take away their electronic privileges if they tell you about a concern. Let them know that you are simply concerned about their well being.

Do closely monitor a child’s use of computers

A child’s computer and mobile phone are often a black hole of communication for a parent. It can be a place where the child lives a second life and where communication among a social group can escalate very quickly to cause emotional and psychological damage with respect to a child's self esteem and social well being. It is essential that parents have an understanding and are vigilant over their child's use and social interaction while with others online and using mobile phones. Some parental tips for monitoring include: Join your child’s social network sites and be a “friend”. You will then be able to see your child's social activity in real time. Don't participate in their social page unless invited. Simply be an observer. Search your child’s name on search engines (including image and video search). Check chat rooms commonly visited by your child's social network and group of friends. Search the web, social networks and chat rooms for your child's friends names. This can give you valuable insight into a friends online social profile and presence. If you discover something that deeply concerns you, consider approaching that child's parents. They may not know anything about their child's online activities. Require your child to provide you with login and passwords to key social and email programs. Don’t give administrative privileges to the child which means you will need to approve all upgrades to programs. When upgrading, check the history file in the Internet browsers on their devices which will show you the websites they have been visiting. Check the bookmarks too. If a child is resistant to you joining the social networks or is resistant to providing you password access to their communication programs, then consider installing filtering and tracking software on all the computers. This software will track their online activity and provide you a summary of that activity. The software can also be set up to block inappropriate messages and websites. Keep the computer in the family room or another place where you can be aware of your child's online activity.

Do educate children on the importance of privacy

Kids have embraced and freely use social media sites such as Facebook, MySpace and Twitter as a public forum to express how they feel, how they look,what they're thinking to a level that in the past generations would have been kept in a personal written diary or scrapbook. This sharing can be positive and affirming and can enable kids to develop their identities. But, kids often don't have a context or grasp of the potential implications of their openness and self expression in the short and long term. It is vital that you educate and inform your child as to what is appropriate content to post and share not only of themselves but also others and to keep their personal information private.

For your conversation with your child, here are some privacy tips to pass along:

• keep all passwords private
• don’t use the same password for all logins
• never pass out passwords or PIN numbers
• when using public computers in libraries or school, be sure to log out at the end of a session and make sure the “remember password” options are turned off when logging in.
• don’t share personal information publicly online like e-mail addresses, home addresses and cell phone numbers with people you don't know
• don’t accept invites for chat, friend requests on social networks and e-mail from people they don’t know
• don’t open links in suspicious e-mails or text messages including video and photo links
• don’t publicly post suggestive or provocative photos or videos of themselves

Do keep copies of all cyberbullying communication

If your child is a victim of cyberbullying make sure you keep electronic and printed copies (when possible) of all the communication. This will be important when you contact the school, police and even an attorney.

If your child is experiencing cyberbullying they may be bullied offline as well. You will need to investigate what is going on and address all forms of bullying they are experiencing.

Do report cyberbullying to the service used for harassment

Most services have policies that forbid harassing or bullying activity. Take a look at the service terms and conditions of use on the service's website and then send a complaint about the cyberbullying referencing the terms and conditions and how the bully has violated them. Many services will shut down an offensive account and even block the source computer from being able to use their service. Also, if you have to involve the police they will use this information to find the bully even if they are using a fake name and profile.

Do consider contacting the police and an attorney

In cases of serious cyberbullying contact an attorney. Also contact the police if the cyberbullying includes any of the following:

• threats of violence
• extortion
• obscene or harassing phone calls or text messages
• harassment, stalking, or hate crimes
• child pornography
• sexual exploitation
• taking a photo image of someone in a place where he or she would expect privacy

Do not respond to cyberbullies

Absolutely do not reply to cyberbullies. They get satisfaction from the bullying when you respond and engage with them. It gives them a rush to think that you received the message and that you were affected enough to react to it. If you do not respond the bully will never know if you even received the message and if you never respond there is a possibility they will stop trying.

Do not assume the cyberbully's online identity is true

When you receive messages from a cyberbully they will often use a fake or assumed identity in the communication. Assume the identity is fake including the name, location, pictures and so on. To find out the true identity of the bully contact someone who knows computers and the Internet and they may be able to trace the messages back to the source location and address.

Do not forget to contact your school

Even if the cyberbulling is occurring outside school, be sure to contact your child’s school and inform them that your child is being bullied. They will take it seriously and will be vigilant at school and watch for any bullying behavior.

Do not allow the child to spend excessive time online

It is important that your child does not spend all of his/her spare time online. Make sure your child has multiple groups of friends and participates in multiple offline activities. This will help offset any online bullying behavior they may experience.

Do not leave a computer in your child’s bedroom

Make sure your child's access to all Internet connected devices including the computer are located and used outside the child’s bedroom. Preferably in a family open space like the living room or dining room. It reduces the opportunity of your child to be engrossed in activities and communication that can lead to issues.