When selecting an egg donor, there is no right or wrong way to make your choice. It is a very personal decision, and each person or couple makes the decision based on his or her family goals. The helpful tips below can ease stress and uncertainty, making this decision easier to navigate.
- review your donor’s medical history
- consider choosing a donor who looks like you
- look at the donor’s entire family
- consider a donor who will play up your strengths
- read the donor’s personal statement
- expect to find the perfect match
- get hung up on a donor’s health history
- put too much concern into a donor’s lack of education
- overthink it if it feels right
- worry that the donor will want your baby
Take time to review the donor’s medical history, especially if you want to offset any genetic history of the partner providing the sperm. For example, if your partner has a history of disease in his family, you may want to look specifically for a donor with an absence of that disease in her history. Consult your doctor or medical provider for additional guidance.
People can be nosy, and many will make comments as to who they think your baby looks like. Choosing a donor who looks like you can sometimes makes things easier for you and your child.
When choosing a donor, consider the whole family. Is the donor the shortest in an otherwise tall family? Is she a blonde in a family of brunettes? Look at the family as a whole.
Perhaps you’ve always want to be able to sing, but can’t carry a tune. Or maybe you are athletic and hope for a child who will share your love of sports. Consider these traits in the donor you select.
The donor’s personal statement can provide insight and even a sense of connection. Through the gift of her donor egg, the donor will be forever connected with your family if you deliver a baby. Her comments and thoughts can provide a glimpse into the heart of the donor and her desire to help you become a parent.
There is no perfect donor or mini-you out there. You are unique and have your own qualities and personality. Therefore, no one else it quite like you. Keep in mind that no donor will meet every criteria you have.
Don’t get hung on finding a donor with a clean health history. Some donors don’t take the time to know their complete family history so they may leave areas blank. Other donors will consult with family members to verify the health history section. These donors may be more detailed and provide you a more accurate picture. Unfortunately, due to privacy law, it is impossible to verify the accuracy of the donor’s health history on her application.
While the donor’s education is important, consider the donor as a whole. What are her interests, talents and strengths? Many of the women who donate their eggs are young and may not have had the financial resources or the time to complete their education. One’s educational background is typically more indicative of the environment in which they were raised and not necessarily indicative of their intelligence.
If you think you’ve found “the one” and it feels right, go for it. While this is a big choice, if you feel in your heart that you’re ready and this is the match for your family, trust that feeling and decision.
Egg donors are not interested in being a parent to your baby. The vast majority of women who donate their eggs are motivated by wanting to help another woman experience the gift of motherhood. Anonymous egg donors are not told who receives the eggs and unlike the recipient of their eggs, they do not receive a profile for review.
Selecting an egg donor is an important step on your path to parenthood. It is a very personal journey, and one that will hopefully bring you closer to your dream of having a child. While each person’s experience in choosing a donor is different, we hope these tips will help you as you move forward in the process.