Provide a secure and predictable home to help adopted kids heal

Attachment is vital for healthy development, mental health and relationships. Children who are adopted may have difficulties with attachment, which can lead to a variety of problems that require help and treatment. School, friends and family can be deeply affected when a child’s pattern of attachment has been disrupted due to multiple placements or adoption from an institution. Consequently, it is vital to provide a safe, secure and predictable home.

Do

Do develop secure attachments

Developing a secure attachment requires a primary caregiver who is able to provide responsive, supportive and attuned care. The caregiver must have reasonably well- developed reflective capacity, insightfulness and the ability to provide sensitive care.

Do seek a thorough assessment

If a child has experienced chronic early maltreatment in a caregiving relationship–as often occurs before adoption–difficulties in attachment can occur. Keep in mind that there are different treatments for different conditions. The purpose of a comprehensive assessment is to determine the causes of the difficulties being experienced.

A thorough assessment by a competent provider is necessary to determine the areas that need addressing. Chronic early maltreatment can cause difficulties in seven domains of functioning, including attachment, behavioral regulation, emotional regulation, biology, cognition, defensive functions and self-concept.

Do find an appropriate provider for advice, consultation and treatment

Attachment-focused treatment, dyadic developmental psychotherapy, is an evidence-based, effective and empirically validated treatment for adopted children and those experiencing attachment problems. Ensure your professional is certified by the Attachment-Focused Treatment Institute as being certified in dyadic developmental psychotherapy.

Do provide safety and security

The core of a secure attachment is grounded in the provision of safety, security and responsive care in a consistent and predictable manner by a primary caregiver. Chronic early maltreatment creates insecurity, a sense of danger and distress.

Don't

Do not use harsh or punitive methods

Developing a secure attachment requires sensitivity and addressing the cause of the difficulties–not the surface symptoms. Harsh, punitive, shaming, blaming or critical methods only make the situation worse by reinforcing a child’s internal working model that adults are not to be trusted or relied on to be a source of safety, security and comfort.

Do not create chaos or unpredictability

Children who have experienced chronic early maltreatment require consistency and predictability to feel safe and secure. Regular meal times, bed times and rituals will help the child know what to expect and feel less worry or anxiousness about what is going to happen.

Using calendars and letting the child know about the day’s and weeks’ plans can go a long way in creating a sense of safety and a feeling of reliability.

Do not fight over care

In child custody situations, caregivers may have difficulty separating their antipathy for each other from the need to act in a cooperative and collaborative manner in regards to parenting. If one parent cannot function in a supportive, responsive and attuned manner, it may be best to temporarily suspend visits until he/she is able to put aside his/her feelings toward a spouse.

Do not assume that all mental health professionals understand attachment

Unfortunately, many mental health professionals do not have significant training or experience with evidence-based and effective models to treatment for attachment disorders. Too often, children with histories of chronic early maltreatment are misdiagnosed with ADHD, ODD and other conditions without the provider having completed a comprehensive assessment.