How Dating Burnout Affects Perception Of Romantic Compatibility

Think back to when you started dating – butterflies in the stomach, texting friends all excited after the first date with someone, etc. Maybe it doesn’t feel so fun anymore. Is it starting to feel like a chore?

You might be experiencing dating burnout. While burnout is usually associated with work, it can surface in any area of life where someone puts in effort but gets little in return, including dating.

The signs of dating burnout

According to the New York Times, almost 80% of long-term dating site users have experienced dating fatigue, bordering on emotional burnout. Another study found that 78% of people between 18 and 54 have suffered from dating burnout.

While there are many signs of dating burnout, it comes down to a feeling of hopelessness. You’re not finding dating fun anymore. In fact, you’re not even looking forward to meeting new people. You start feeling like dating is a waste of time, you’ll never find a partner, dreading an upcoming date, and so on.

Burnout might also lead you to drop a highly beneficial practice: placing boundaries in an interaction. This practice is called guardrailing because it aims to protect people. It stops the other person from going beyond a limit and hurting everyone involved.

Basically, you let anyone in without setting boundaries because of how tired you are. You choose to ignore red flags, finding romantic compatibility where there is very little or none at all.

What makes us romantically compatible?

In a 2023 study, researchers performed factor analyses to determine the factors in romantic compatibility. They identified 24 factors: emotions, origins, lifestyle, opinion, sociality, romanticism, morals, class, religion, conformity, family, food, sensation, leisure, appearance, job, residence, speech, intellect, conflict, empathy, humor, enthusiasm, and activity.

Men cared more about activity and emotional similarities, while women cared more about morals, empathy, lifestyle, conformity, opinions, and appearance.

Dating burnout can lead you to overgeneralize in relation to things you have in common. Liking the same food is only one of the 24 factors of romantic compatibility. To be truly compatible, you need to have a lot more in common. An extrovert is less compatible with an introvert than with another extrovert. Likewise, someone who is deeply religious won’t be fully compatible with an atheist.

If you love the big city, you won’t be attracted to someone who wants to move to a small town or a village. These differences shouldn’t be overlooked, especially if you’re looking for a long-term partner.

Preventing dating burnout

Being purposeful with dating can prevent burnout. Be clear about what kind of person you’re looking for, and do not proceed with a connection that seems meaningless. It’s tempting to scroll through dating profiles to pass the time. Don’t go on dates just for the sake of dating.

You will prevent dating burnout if you know how much energy you can dedicate to dating. Awareness of how much time you spend messaging, swiping, and going on dates reduces the risk of burnout. You prioritize your needs and foster a dating life that makes you happy by setting boundaries. Balance dating with other enjoyable activities to keep dating from becoming all-consuming, which can lead to burnout.

FAQ

Who is most at risk of dating burnout?

According to a 2024 Forbes Health survey, this is Gen Z, the people born between 1997 and 2012. 79% of them report dating app burnout.

Why is dating so difficult in 2024?

Experts believe that the economy is what makes dating the hardest in 2024. Moreover, the plethora of dating apps makes picking just one person challenging.

Do dating apps cause anxiety?

About half of the respondents in a recent survey said that waiting for someone to message them back and asking someone out causes anxiety. More than 25% said that waiting for a match also induced anxiety. Research indicates that swipe-based dating apps are associated with twice the odds of depression and 2.5 times the odds of psychological distress.